Memorial Day

War for me began with the Vietnam War, when I hung a tiny picture of my cousin, in his Army uniform, in my room and my fifth-grade teacher played a tape from her son while bullets were being fired outside where he hunkered down. So lists of names from Iraq always particularly get to me. The names bring it home.

The Los Angeles Times has done an excellent job of keeping readers informed of the dead in Iraq and Afghanistan (click HERE for its database). On Sunday, the paper used up most of the front page of it California section for the 492 personnel from California who have died. Their median age was 23; they left behind more than 300 children. Today, the editorial page lists all Americans who have died in the conflicts this year.

The lists go on and on. Our brothers. Our sisters. Fathers. Mothers. Our people.

A Birth, And A Death

This morning, I wrote back-to-back notes – one to friends who recently lost their daughter, and to another couple who just welcomed one into the world. It was a powerful few moments, trying to grasp the sense of loss on one hand, and on the other celebrating an unbelievable moment with a card starring Mickey Mouse's smiling face.

Parents have thoughts of loss, all the time. And dads, I believe, feel the pang of that possibility most greatly. The protector thing, I guess. But in whatever the thought form, it is distracting and unsettling. How could we go on?

This morning, I mourned and I celebrated. I smiled, and I cried.

Getting To School

Something's not right. On one end, news reports say we won't have enough young workers for the next generation. On the other end, the United Way of America has decided on a 10-year goal to increase its efforts to stem the high school dropout rate and help with poverty.

Often, the two go hand-in-hand – undereducated Americans who then raise families on a shoestring. Sometimes the children rise above the hardship. Sometimes, they do not.

I told my wife the other night about the huge opportunity for our three young boys to truly be all they can be. America will need them. America will need millions of young workers. But, for nearly every one, parents keeping them in school, and helping them reach for the skies, will be the key. To learn more about local United Way efforts, click HERE for Orange County, and click HERE for the Inland Empire. The national organization's new motto is Live United. That says a lot.

Sandwich Generation

For those of you raising children and facing the task of taking care of aging parents, the pressure from both sides is real. My wife and I are there with one set of parents. And, probably before our youngest (twins now age 10) hit college, we'll have a second set in which to carefully help along.
Mothers, ages 35-54, are particularly feeling the stress, according to the American Psychological Association's Stress in America survey. Some 2-in-5 men and women in this age group feel "overextended." (For the APA's Help Center, click HERE.)

The APA offers these strategies for moms to handle stress: Identify the stressors; recognize how you deal with it; find healthy ways to manage stress; take care of yourself; seek professional help if needed.

Our magazine group has covered the topic extensively (to read the first in a series, click HERE). Let's keep the topic going; suggestions, solutions, comment here.

Child Abuse And The Numbers

More than 39,000 child-abuse cases were reported to local authorities in 2007, a number that rises each year. The Orange County Child Abuse Registry, where calls are received, reported an increase of 5,000 calls last year over 2006.

There are 107 child-abuse cases reported each day in OC. Some, obviously, are minor or even erroneous. Others, well, the stories would take your breath away.

At a recent breakfast meeting with the Child Abuse Prevention Center, whose mission is to break the cycle of abuse by preventing it in the first place, Executive Director Scott Trotter turned a quote from psychiatrist Karl Menninger on its head. The original: “What’s done to children, they will do to society.” Trotter’s take: “What’s done for children, they will do for society.”

“We talk of the child as a parent in 2030,” he says. “And we think of a parent who is child-abuse free.”

That is a goal. (To find out more about the nonprofit, click HERE.) When on the homepage, click on SPARK to get a sense of programming.

21st Century Parent (Part II)

Last I posted on this topic, I had scrolled through a new book and reported that it is not alarmist, but to the point. Now that I have read most of "What Every 21st-Century Parent Needs to Know," by Debra W. Haffner, let me drill down on the excellent read.

First, I would be harder on the times in which we live. She has terrific statistics on obesity and online danger, but spins a little bit to the good side of big issues. No matter, parenting needs some good news. Just be aware of everything that she presents. For example, however you parent, start that way when they are young; be consistent.

One of the most interesting sections is her breakdown of the 4 parenting styles – permissive, authoritarian, affirming, and uninvolved. And, she explains which works best, based on the research.

Take the quizzes when you buy the book. You can always be a more informed parent.

Haffner writes: “I love being a parent.” That’s a telling statement. So, my question to you (and please comment here with the answer): Do you love being a parent?

Women Helping Women

The Women's Philanthropy Fund has always been a clever idea – women helping women and girls achieve economic self-sufficiency. At the 5th annual fundraising breakfast today for the Orange County United Way's women's giving circle – a group that donates money, time and expertise – woman after woman who has benefited came up to give her own personal testimonial.

"I found myself," said Erica, sponsored by another United Way partner, the Girls Scouts. "The addict inside of me thought life was over, but for me, life was just beginning," said Alina, educated through an excellent nonprofit jobs program, Taller San Jose.

Guest speaker before some 600 women (and a handful of men) was Patricia Diaz Dennis, an executive with AT&T, former commission of the FCC and today chairwoman of the board of the Girls Scouts of the USA. Important here: She has 10 principles of a cowgirl, a list she borrowed from a book, "Cowboy Ethics." They are: lead your life; take pride in your work; have courage and confidence; be tough but fair; when you make a promise, keep it; blaze your own trail; talk less and say more; some things aren't for sale; be self-sufficient; pay it forward.

For more on the Women's Philanthropy Fund, click HERE.